Dancing With Your Platforms On

Good-byes and Hellos

2006-08-31T02:25:06Z

It's a new year. We all know that. I've changed. You've changed. We've all changed. Now, you may not have changed as much as I and I may have not changed as much as you, but the fact is, I NEED CHANGE!

Therefore, emptycornucopia

As they always say, reincarnation is a good thing.

Reincarnated

2006-08-12T06:53:59Z

I've put this entry off and off and off, because I know that I can never say everything here that is meant to be said. It's a little funny because the contents of this are a little on the dark side (only a little), yet today was one of the happiest days I've had in a long while. It's sobering to think so. I wanted to make this post at the end of summer, but I don't think I can now because if I do, I am likely to have changed more, to have overthought what I wanted to say in the first place and will probably end up never saying it. The summer is almost over anyway, and this has certainly been a summer worth remembering. Family, friends, life lessons, who knew? I was supposed to be resting it up (or partying it up) (or studying it up) for the next year, but life never works out as planned, does it? So I did a little of each of them (although these days, as time now allows me, with my cousins gone, I am studying a lot more), and through it, I am not ashamed to admit that I have learned things that will stick with me. I have gone on enough rollar coasters to make me want to puke, have gone through enough conversations to make me want to give up, have gone through enough PSAT/SAT practice tests to make me pass out, have gone through enough of the Chem book to make me question my sanity, and have gone through enough drama to make me wonder if this is all worth it.

The short version of the summer so far is that I went to Yosemite for the 4th of July, got bitten by a mosquito that left a giant swollen mass as a consolation present, went horseback riding where I saw the love child of Brokeback Moutain men (WOW), got severly jolted as my horse bit the mule in front of us, climed Moro Rock again and again realized the greatness of that rock, drove through a forest fire, did "Theme Park Week" where I actually went on everything that either of my cousins wanted to go on, went to Catalina where I couldn't go swimming (erg), ate out more than a lot, went on sort of a fasting time where I barely ate anything (no, not anorexic, just not hungry), rested for a week when my mom went on her conference (great week), got a new room, met up with old friends, questioned old friends, lost old friends, forgave old friends, finally beat Billy Bob at Monopoly, opened the Chemistry book, got a little too friendly with the Chesmistry book, got a little obsessed with the Chemistry book, and spent way too much time at Borders. The details have become a little sketchy, and the acute feeling of pain has numbed a lot, but the dull ache is still there. If I concentrate hard, I can sometimes forget it.

There were lots of good times, truly there were. There were totally embarrassing times. Oohhh and that's embarassing. But the majority of the summer has sort of been me being forced to kill myself and start from scratch, to forget what I've learned about life and people, or perhaps, to remember it. We'll never be innocent again, will we? The cynic in me grins with glee. The optimist in me is still there, lurking, waiting for the best time to pull a coup and regain the throne. However, having been dethroned once, the cynic is more ready, more wary of those around her, more ready to distrust and more ready to put up her defenses. The optimist is still there, so not all hope is lost, but she is not eternal. She's taken too many hits already.

The lessons I have learned this summer:

#10: Never go on Dragon Swing and Hat Dance in quick succession and spin the wheel as fast as you can. NEVER NEVER NEVER. That totally ruined my abilty to go on any rides for the next hour or so (as well as my cousins' abilities, except the smaller one).

#9: Listening to sad music when you're sad works. Listening to depressing music when you're depressed works. Listening to happy music when you're sad or depressed does not make you happier. Instead, it may make you furious and want to bash your head in a wall.

#8: The ocean is actually very soothing. Even if the wind makes everything very cold and the boat is rocking back and forth and is tipped at a 45 degree angle, watching the waves makes everything more peaceful. Thinking on a boat is easy. (So is getting sunburned, as my uncle learned when he fell asleep without covering himself up)

#7: Art-school-therapy (going to art school and drawing the hell out of stuff and modeling the hell out of stuff) really works. Watching my friends behave in their totally Panda-Squirrel-Giraffe way has a way of making everything better, even if it's not.

#6: Tears fall. There is a reason that tears fall. Anyone who's telling you not to cry is an idiot.

#5: City Walk is chalked full of gay men who work there. When we-who-are-not-lesbians act like lesbian lovers, which seems to happen the most at City Walk, we seem to attract an average of one flamboyantly gay man every time we're there. Hmmm.... (and on a side note, Jack Sparrow has the most awesome run ever)

#4: A good bra makes all the difference.

#3: People will not always understand you, even if they could before.

#2: There are still good people in the world. Even if sometimes, they seem a little off, true friends stick by you, even if it might be uncomfortable to stick around. Knowing that they're there, that they don't sign off until they know you're all right, that there are still people out there, who don't quit when you need them most, kept me going for longer than I thought I could go.

#1: It is the people you love and trust most that hurt you the most. I had known that before, but I suppose this summer, I had to be reminded of it. I guess I had grown too optimistic, too cheery, and I needed to be brought back down because I thought that life could actually work out. Hey, who knew?

Off course, that's not all, but why conjure up those memories?

Now’s the right time for a good song. Got something to say what I can’t...

Don't it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are? We grew up way too fast and now there's nothing to believe...

You're so blind! You can't save me this time. Hope comes from inside. And I feel so low tonight. If only you could see, the stranger next to me...

Think you need me. It's not easy. Let you go somehow...

She's got a pretty smile. It covers up the poison that she hides...

Same some face. You know you've only got one. Change your ways while you're young...

I found a map to buried treasure and even if we come home empty handed, we'll still have our stories of battle scars, pirate ships, and wounded hearts, broken bones and all the best of frienships, and when this hourglass has filtered out its final grain of sand, I'll raise my glass to the memories we had...

I'm lost in the vast ocean.

2006-07-17T14:28:14Z

Bye. Catalina.

Yo se mite

2006-07-08T18:27:56Z

woot woot woot woot I'm back. It's nice to be able to look outside my window and see my mountains and to sleep in the night and not hear my cousins going to the bathroom and flushing the scary flusher ten times during the night. I will miss the beauty of Yosemite though. We went horseback riding through the mountains and it was amazing. Amazing! My horse, Steamboat, kept biting the horse/mule in front of us, and was very very social. Of course, it may have just been an itch. My mother's mule, Frog, kept trying to stop and eat on the side of the road. What a stubborn mule. Then there was Lucky. Alicia was unlucky to have gotten Lucky because the horse just wouldn't go. Oh well. You win some; you lose some.

Yesterday, we went to Sequoia National Forest and King's Canyon and climbed Moro Rock. Everyone should climb that rock. It goes 300 feet up. =D Wonderfulness. My cousin was terrified, but she's ok now. When we were coming back, we passed through a forest fire. Well...not through the fire, but through thick clouds of smoke. *cough cough cough*

Ewww I got bitten by a bug. What bug was it? Mom thinks it's an ant or something, but fact remains that it is yucky. I hate being bitten by things because I usually have allergic reactions which are not too pleasant.

Now I'm back and ready to get to work, mainly because I'm taking off again, on the 17th to Catalina! I hope my bug bite heals by then.

BOOM

2006-07-05T05:28:37Z

I am here. Yosemite. Yes I am. And so far, I have not been bitten by anything. WHOO. Although my aunt insisted on taking a buncha pictures of me. NO-WHOO. Eh. Although my cousins are sooooo cute. =D

So here, I have the opportunity for internet. Yay. So now, I can brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag

AP SCORES:

5

That's all you need to know. Well... since I'm bragging.

Calc BC: 5 (AB subscore: 5)
MEH: 5 (phew)
Physics Mech: 5 (WHOO)
Physics E&M: 5 (WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....OOOOOOOO......OOOOOOOOOO)

brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag

So yeah. Fireworks aplenty. Happy birth of nation. Yeah...I just took a test on that. Jeez. For the record, I liked Richard Henry Lee much better.

JUNIOR

2006-07-02T20:42:01Z

Wow. I am now officially NOT a sophomoron anymore. =D

Yes?

Well, maybe not so much. I still want to go back to being a freshman again.

Life passes way too fast.

It was a Nut

2006-06-30T05:27:26Z

I'm alive but tell me am I free
I've got eyes but tell me can I see
The sky is falling and no one knows
We shouldn't be hard to believe
Shouldn't be this difficult to breathe
The sky is falling and no one knows

They're gone. It's so surreal. The defining moment for me was when I ran onto the field and hugged my Fairy Daddy. It hit me then, with tears in my eyes, that these people were going. A wise person once told me that these seniors were IT and that they are now moving on to bigger and better things. However, it gets harder every year to let people go. Last year, it was tough (although Pam did come back the next day so it was a little anticlimactic <3). This year, a part of me left the school, a part that I took for granted. Next year, a part of my soul will leave, but that's in a year. I refuse to think about it. Good luck, seniors. You deserved it. Blue is your color. And even though you made us sit stifling in the heat and burning in the sun, I love you anyways.

WH00 YAY!

redaznangel @ 2006-06-26T21:43:00

2006-06-27T04:42:42Z

AHHHH IT"S OVER!

Now I'm just worried I may have to take a ride with my good friend Peter tomorrow. Good grief.

Time for a shower. Or two. Or ten.

My first stewing day

2006-06-25T06:05:37Z

Yes! It's the first stewing day of the season. Actually, that's not such a good thing, but yeah. Hotttttt...very much

Today, I went to see Cars with Alicia and Amanda. My poor Alicia got a toothpick impaled in her foot. Poor baby. I was in the emergency room with her after bowl tryouts until 9:00 at night. Lots of stories were told in that room. Yeah....whatever was said there, stays there. So. About Cars. What a cuuute move. Heehee.

heehee He's my favorite because he's soooo cute. Like my little bitty cousins. =D One of whom is taller than me. >.<

Yay! Tomorrow, I get to see brother turning yet another year older! And sister in law! And sister in law's brother! And Aunt Minnie! And Uncle Bernie in a suit (or at least black)! Tomorrow's gonna be a good day.

I do feel awwwwful that my good brother's gift did not arrive yet. =( Brother!!!!!

Play Breath, Not I Mouth

2006-06-21T01:22:56Z

AHAHAHAHAHA Alan Rickman <3

Yesterday, I thought to myself, I KNOW there's something I have to post on lj but I forgot what it was. And then, today, about....rightn now, I was suddenly, ALAN RICKMAN. (i.e. We saw the Samuel Becket play, "Play" and it was amazing.) He was a dead person in a funeral urn. And today, we say "Breath" which is just as disturbing. Oh well. Now I have to go prep for an english essay. See, mommy? Alan Rickman is tres awesome.

A Stiff Proposition

2006-06-14T04:08:09Z

Oi CD project is over. 4 hours last night. It was allright.

Scibowl tryouts Wed and Thurs.

Aunt and Cousins coming tomorrow.

Something's going on on Friday that I can't remember. Math project due?

Bath time!

Senior Night!

2006-06-10T16:39:43Z

Yay! It was fun. It was very Old Hollywood, and all the seniors arrived "fashionably late", as well as some of the juniors. The flower hair clippy thingys, yeah...not work out to well, but all was good. The presentations were infinietly amusing, although watching the sophomores try to eat the food was almost as amusing. =D

~~~

Shall we dance?

~~~

Kathy tore up the dance floor! <3 It was so awesome! It was something I would have never expected, but so cool! And then Chris with his waving around tassle thingies and hair (which is almost waving around tassle thingings....). And Devin danced with Grande. Very, very interesting. And then of course, Jacob. You can't say any more than Jacob. =D <3

~~~

Would you care for a drink?

~~~

Colorful and pretty drinks! And cherries! And later when the bar closed, water. I probably had too much to drink and that's why I am a little woozy right now. Or it could be that I am just generally woozy and have not had anything to eat yet. hmm...I think I'll go eat some cake.

~~~

Speaking of cake...

~~~

Someone stole my cake! I turned around and it was gone! And it was like WHOA! a cake stealer! everybody watch your food items! But not really. Ok now I must go eat. YUM FOOD.

Highlight in Pink

2006-06-06T05:32:36Z

And a blah blah blah. Today was not a good day. I spent the first two period frantically working, fouth period was a partial waste of my time and I do not understand why some people decide not to take what I say seriously, and then two minutes later, when somebody else brings the idea up, decides that its a brillient idea and that we should all do it. And bit by bit, my sanity slipped. If Grande had let me work on my project in 5th period, I would have been very happy. But she didn't. So there. And then sixth period creeped by. And then I had to study for history which I don't think I'm prepared for. Well, it's time to sleep and let the information seep into my brain.

Studying for history is fun when you read carefully:

Legend to the contrary, they also enjoyed the simple pleasures: they ate plentifully, drank heartily, sang songs occasionally, and made love monagomously.

Almost from the outset, New England's population grew from natural reproductive increase. The people were remakably fertile, even if the soil was not.

To get on, to get honor, to get honest.

Breaking out of my shell

2006-06-03T05:21:41Z

Well, today was a fairly good day if I do say so myself. Chris found me in the morning and grinned all morning smirkily...darrrned you...and kept saying: "You'll get your present in the nutrition." and blah blah blah. And then he produced from our locker, the one that I didn't go to this morning but should have, a Victoria's Secret bag with a grin on his face. >.< But it was Trans-Siberian Orchestra CD and lipgloss so it was all good. Although the smirk on his face was rather....>.> worthy. heehee I <3 my brother. I also <3 my sister-in-law. I also <3 my sister-in-law's brother who is in effect my brother-in-law once removed. (or something)

In spanish it was lazy work, and it physics it was sleeping work. The only class where we really worked was in Toy, but that's to be expected. After fourth period, my day was over, cause in 5th I just built polyhedrons all period (yay!) and in 6th there was a house meeting, so we did weird quotes and stuff.

Quote of the day:
There is an old English saying: "If you be not pleased, then put your hand in your pocket and please yourself."

After school, Bernie took me out to eat. Yummers. We had lots of fun, and left with more than enough time to spare to get to orchestra. However, we didn't have enough gas to spare....So the car putted to a stop on Laurel Canyon and nicked the bumper of the car in front of us. And then stopped. And then we were frantic. So call call call we called AAA and lo and behold, they came! With a towtruck. And we were towed to the Mobile Station that was RIGHT THERE (except not RIGHT there). And we bought gas and we sat in traffic cause there was this other accident (much more bloody and gruesome than ours) that had the street blocked. Not fun. So then we rush rush rush and boom boom boom and ran like hell to orchestra. And made it there....late with blisters. However, the concert went well (even though it was boiling in the aud) until the end when timpani messed up and threw us all off. Oh well. And then band played Tocata. heehee

And then I went home and ate cake.

<3 to everyone who wished me happy birthday.

~~~~~~~~~

I feel old.

2=15

2006-05-31T04:21:34Z

I continuously feel the need to remind myself of stuff. Which reminds me....

Tess.

Isaac, Sumita, Niv, and I had fun. Not really. Yucky yucky poo poo.

San tian!

Work~Boomshakalaka

2006-05-29T16:56:06Z

Wow. My work is really cut out for me today. Like really cut out for me. I need to:

- Study SAT II Physics (esp. ~~optics/waves~~/thermo/~~nuc~~, the stuff i can't remember from 8th grade)
- ~~"Study" SAT II Math (as in make my mom think I'm studying it)~~
- ~~Finish my Spanish project script~~
- Reread Tess and my notes
- ~~Read the first half of Chapter 4 in American Pageant~~ (James sell me book?, yes?)
- ~~Practice for le final concert~~
- ~~Eat (if i have time) =/~~

Steam up your car windows

2006-05-27T21:02:35Z

YESTERDAY!!! = 7 days!!!!

I feel old now. Really really old. Oh well.

CONCERT ON JUNE 2. COME WATCH US. =D

redaznangel @ 2006-05-20T12:54:00

2006-05-20T21:23:15Z

What a week. Most tiring week I've had in a loooooong time.

Monday: Orchestra practice after school. Didn't go for the first hour, but the second hour was sufficiently bad. Yuck. After school practices are NOT nice.

Wednesday: BML, which made me happy, except I got home at like 9:30 and had to finish homework.

Thursday: Sierra High School visits NHHS! They come from this tiny little school district at the edge of Yosemite Valley and were touring southern California (Disney, Universal Studios, etc.) and sleeping in other schools' gyms and churches. They spent the night in our gym, because they're music teacher had connections with Mr. G (G duct-taped him to the floor when they were in high school). So the idea was that we were gonna play for them and they were gonna play for us, and it was gonna be around 1 1/2 hours at the most, kinda like a small concert. So I was all: YAY! Concert! and then....they played forEVER. I got home at 11:00 and still had to finish spanish homework. >.< Completely blegh. Then I collapsed and fell asleep.

Friday: Concert at Reed. I ate and then I walked to Reed and I was still hungry, except our call time was up and so in the end, it didn't matter and I went out and bought something to eat (Thanks, brother!) and these nice people let me cut in line, seeing as how I had about five minutes to eat. Then, we were told that our call time in the band room was 7:15. AHH. Then, two minutes later, it was changed to 7:30. X_X Then, when we got ready to go, we had to wait for like...20 minutes outside the band room, due to the fact that they were going even later...And Harris, the idiot, left his cello on the floor, it got knocked over, bridge got screwed up, and when Bernie was fixing it, the A string popped, and we didn't have another A string, and yeah....that guy is in so much trouble.... We got into the band room at 7:50, got a big yelling at, didn't play that well, my mom talked to Chris's mom (>.<) and finally got home at...10:00 was it?

I had to wake up early. Not fun not fun not fun. The only fun thing is video editing, and the people in the room right now are really annoying me.... AHH.

(Plus the fact that I threw up in school....bad week....long week...sigh)

BML I KICKED YOUR BUTT

2006-05-18T06:35:59Z

W00 BML 30/30 thank you life for putting me up for geo instead of trig. EASY PEASY LEMON SQUEEZY. (for mee). Now at last i can say: "HAHA BML, you screwed me over so many times, now i get to SCREW YOU over!!!!!"

We rode in Grande's car on the way over, and she and Bernie debated politics, and I fell asleep in the middle of it. The car was steaming hot, and Grande was in her lecture mode, and she swore slightly, so it was funny, but I still fell asleep. And then on the way back (damned if I'm ever gonna ride in her car again), we rode in Tedrick's car. =D squish squish squish 4 people in the back and 3 people in the front. And we all fit and it was rather comfortable actually. Sorry for squishing you, James!

And we ate, and i brought back some cheesecake. And it was yummy.

Good night. <3

Happy Mother's Day, Mothers! or Me On A Severe Sugar High...Someone Save Me!

2006-05-15T02:29:34Z

=D Today was the best day evar! First, I found out that dispite all you people's griping, I did grow taller (and not just due to shoes!) and that made me incredibly happy. I gave my Mommy her Mother's Day present which made her happy which made me happy. Then I met my mother...er of another mother (?) and we chilled at City Walk. The subway things have changed! They installed new ticket machines and everything! It was amazing. When did that happen???

So, as we were on our way, playing with all kinds of wonderful toys, watching all kinds of wonderful movies, eating all kinds of wonderful foods, and telling all kinds of wonderful stories, we noticed we were getting strange looks from people...so we decided that eh, people probably thought we were lesbians and left it at that. I did marry her in Vegas last year anyway, so it really doesn't matter. XD

And then we went to the Starbucks/CakePlace-joined thingamabobber. and we met Mark and fell in love with him instantly. Because he is so flamboyantly gay that he was practially on fire, and we caught his attention and it was the most awesomest thing ever. Heehee...Mark + Anthony = Mark Anthony. One day we're going to go back, take a picture of Mark, and photoshop it with Anthony to produce their love child. ^^

So I ate too much and am typing like some sort of rabid something or other, but it's ok. It's time for a shower now. Days are too humid.

P.S. I love you, Pam.

Sighs in Relief

2006-05-09T04:59:23Z

W00000000000000zerozerozerozerozerozerozero000zero0zero000zero

Finally. I thought it would never be over.

Now to forget everything that has traspired over the last two weeks.

Now. SAT. Take the Lead. GRADES.

redaznangel @ 2006-05-07T21:56:00

2006-05-08T05:09:29Z

Dude. I am actually feeling alright about physics. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? I feel better about physics than I did about history. !?!?!?!?!?! Crazyness. Must be the fact that I've been cramming so hard that I'm going crazy. Hmmm...I think lunacy suits me. If it helps me do well on this thing, then it definitly suits me. =D

My desk is a total mess, surprsingly unlike the rest of my room. Considering that I've been living at my desk for the past week or so, actually not too surprising. Must clean up later.

Good luck on sciency stuff this week!

I now need to relearn about R-L and L-C cuircuits and whatever is up with Kepler's laws.

redaznangel @ 2006-05-02T22:10:00

2006-05-03T05:23:21Z

I hate this feeling of inadequacy, this feeling that I do not know what i thought I knew. If I do not know what I know, then what do I know? What don't I know? It's a bad time for APs, Spanish tests, concerts, everything. It's a bad time. I'm glad I have moral support, even though I got yelled at, books thrown in my general direction, fall asleep in strange places at strange times, and whatnot.

I hate it when I am this insecure, when I feel inferior to everything. I might as well just boycott everything, because what's the use of studying when in the end, it doesn't matter anyways, because it's not going to stick in my brain? And don't anyone dare say anything about how I should worry. ERG.

I also hate it when I find out that the "v" on my keyboard is sticking. Uh oh....

I'm going to bury myself in...something....now. Wake me up when this is all over.

ZHUI HO CHONG XI!!!

2006-04-29T15:16:25Z

Bah! I'm so sad I don't even know how to say it in english. I guess the closest thing would be "FINAL CRAM SESSION, YO!" Literally it's like...the sprint at the very end when you're running the hundred meter, but it applies here too. I've been working so much these past days it's amazing. And I do feel better...about everything but physics. Yep. Fail is me.

Last night I tried to do a practice physic review, but I felt so amazingly tired that I just said: I can't do this. And went to sleep. The time was 8:15. I slept for about 12 hours feeling very much refreshed. Whoo. I haven't been able to do that in a long time.

Now I must study some. Good luck to everyone on their AP! Damn English test on Monday!

Edit: (6:00 P.M.) All the potential energy of my brain has been converted into kinetic energy by the force implented on it by Barons. I read about 4 chapters, completely relearning the E part of E&M without capacitors. Whew. I need to let the atoms in my brain slow down a bit so that my potential energy can come back. What is the potential of my brain anyways??

Peanut Butter and Ramen

2006-04-23T05:44:20Z

Ok yeah I officially suck. A lot. I don't like these math problems that I don't know how to do. RAWR. And it was colder than I expected. Pooey.

But...

I came home and rested up and drank some coconut coffee...yummmm..... That made me happy =D

Then I went to art and painted a tree in Maya. It went something like this:
Steve: Now that you've made your wonderful flower pots, I'm going to teach you how to make a tree.
Class: Yay. A tree.
Steve: All right. Now, with your nurbs plane selected, go to Rendering, go to Paint Effects, and click on Make Painted Surface. Now type 8 to go to paint mode.
Me [playing around with the black paintbrush and thinking we were going to paint dirt]: We're not gonna paint a tree are we?
Steve: Yup.
Class: ....
Steve: Now I just select this paintbrush and boom! A tree.
Class: ....

And we painted trees.